We never stop growing. And it's been quite a growing and learning time for me of late. Being home has given me tons of alone time. And by alone, I mean for 13 hours a day I am completely alone. Not another human being to talk to in real life. I find, I'm ok with that.
As a kid, I was not the popular girl or even in a clique. I was the girl who had friends from all the other groups, but no group to call my own. While my social calendar was not quite full, neither was it empty. Skip forward a few years and I'm now married to a man who controls me in as many ways as he can. My friends are none, nil, zip, zero. I spent all my time with my children, so I became socially stunted. While other people my age were in college, partying, etc., I was at home cleaning house, watching kids, being wife. Forward the remote a couple more years. Now I am a divorced mom with no social skills. My escape is to read until my eyes close. You don't learn to socialize by constantly having your nose in a book.
I was quite content in being at home, entertaining myself and doing the things I liked to do. This seemed to bother some people, my oldest son in particular. I'm still not sure why he feels it necessary for me to get out in the world as he puts it. I do get out in the world. I just do it on my terms. When he moved to North FL the first time, it wasn't long afterwards that my second husband had a 4 month, out of town schooling that he attended. Thereby, leaving me completely alone. Just me and the cats. At that time, I didn't know about blogging or how the internet really worked. This is where a momentous change took place.
I had the honor of working with some crazy, wonderful Texans who brought me out my shell. Almost uncomfortably so. I say this because, it was uncomfortable for me to make changes in my life, like be more of a social creature. One of the things they introduced me to was Myspace. And so for the next two years, I set up and deleted an account on and off. The latest deletion took place today. And I'm very happy about it. Because now it gives me more time to work on and work at things that interest me. Like my blog at Bookweazle, which is my sister blog to this one. On that one I talk more about the things that interest me, as in books. Which is how this one started out as well, but I find myself writing about the more emotional side of me here as well as the books.
I was also on 2 other social networking sites for the whole of last week and also deleted those. Why? Because I'm finally comfortable being me. Of not having to look at the umpteenth bulletin about what's my favorite color (crimson) and who last texted me...who cares?! If your going to ask questions so you can get to know someone, ask the good ones. What makes you cry, laugh? What gives you joy? If you could do one thing in life without fear of failure, what would it be? To me these are meaningful questions. They tell you so much more about the human you're trying to get to know.
I find that I'm coming back to where I'm comfortable. I can be my insulated, home bound by choice self and yet, still have a pretty active social life. Via the net, I've met some wonderful, crazy, certifiable people. I've become more social by being less social. Neat trick, that. I have two pages on two different book sites. One I really like because no one really bothers you there. You can join groups and not say anything; or post just a line or two. The other one, well I don't hate it, but it's not my favorite. I'm waiting to see when they start letting you post embedded code on there in the comments page. When they do that, I'll be gone for good. Too much like Myspace for my liking.
So here is my lesson for this past month of being home. It's ok to be comfortable with your socialization, regardless of what others think. It's also ok if there's downtime in an IM chat that you're having with someone that your comfortable with. Sometimes it's nice just knowing that someone is there with just a tap of the keys. ;-}
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